You wake up in the morning to a bright sunny day. Everything is going well . . . until it’s not. One crisis after another starts popping up before you have a chance to finish your first cup of coffee. How do you handle a day like that? Since you’re good at what you do, you roll up your sleeves and gear yourself up to put out the fires and get things back on track.
You come up with a creative idea to resolve what seemed like an unsolvable dilemma with a longterm client who’s ready to move to a competitor. Your efforts restore her faith in your company and she leaves feeling happy after handing you a nice fat check. While that was happening, you made a judgment call to delegate a big office issue to someone just barely ready but eager for the responsibility and he produces stellar results. Then, a potential new client asks for a turnaround time for products that you normally could not deliver, but you call in a favor with a vendor and make the impossible happen. By the end of the day you’re feeling a bit like a superhero.
Just as you gather your things to leave for the day, the rug gets pulled out from under you. Your boss asks for the quote you had promised to complete that day. You didn’t do it, because the day’s events took precedence. Your boss is unaware of the day’s events and is furious.
As you begin to explain the situation, she put her hand in front of your face and in front of all your colleagues, she said, “Don’t bother! I don’t want to hear excuses. What do you think we pay you for? To sit around all day? Just leave. We’ll deal with this tomorrow.”
Filled with upset feelings, you leave the office and head to a restaurant where you’re scheduled to meet your friends for dinner. Still angry you tell them about your day. Each one of your friends wants to be helpful to you, and they each have their own approach. Notice whether you feel better or worse after each friend talks.
Denying Denny says, “Calm down! You’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion. It can’t be that bad. Lighten up – after all, you don’t want to bring everybody down do you?”
How do you feel when your feelings are denied? Denying Denny wants you to stuff your emotions and put on a smiling mask. Instead of feeling better, most people find themselves feeling worse and less connected or cared about by this type of response.
Interrogating Irene says, “What exactly were those emergencies you had to deal with? Was there any way you could have gotten that quote done for your boss? Has anything like this ever happened before?”
How do you feel when you’re asked a lot of questions? Most people report feeling accused or interrogated as if the questioning party is trying to lay blame instead of being supportive.
Advising Anthony says, “Let me tell you what you need to do – you need to get to work early tomorrow and get that quote done, and have it sitting on your bosses desk when she comes in. Then explain to her what happened. After all, you don’t want to lose your job over this!”
What does it feel like to receive unsolicited advice? Does it make you feel angry or stupid? Unsolicited advice has a way of adding more stress and distance between people rather than bringing about better feelings.
Other-side Orin says, “You’ve got to look at it from your boss’s point of view. She probably had a lot of pressure to get that quote out and when you didn’t deliver, she was naturally upset.”
What does it feel like to have your friend take the other person’s point of view instead of yours? Even if valid points are made, it can feel like a betrayal to overlook a friend’s perspective in favor of someone else’s.
Pity-party Patty says, “You poor poor thing. That was just too much for you to have to bear. I feel so sorry for you. It just breaks my heart to imagine you dealing with that kind of pressure.”
How does it feel to be pitied? For some, a small dose of pity might temporarily feel good, or at least better than some of the other responses, but for most – being pitied leaves you feeling pitiful, small and somehow less than everyone else.
What do you want to hear from a friend when you’re upset. What’s the most helpful response that leaves you feeling resilient, understood, and a bit less stressed?
Compassionate Casey says, “Wow, what a day! You had so many unexpected problems to handle, and you resolved them all. Then without even stopping to find out, your boss read you the riot act in front of the whole department and didn’t give you a chance to explain. What an upsetting experience.”
How does it feel to have someone empathize with you? A compassionate approach generally leaves people feeling heard, understood, and relieved. It’s easier to deal with tough times, when someone can put your feelings into words without trying to fix, deny, analyze, advice, or pity you and how you are feeling.
Could it be the same is true for your customers? Who are you most likely to emulate when dealing with an upset customer? Denying Deny, Interrogating Irene, Advising Anthony, Other-side Orin, Pity-party Patty, or Compassionate Casey?#p#分页标题#e#
Taking a compassionate approach is like giving someone a verbal massage. It shows you are present with them, and able to put into words what it is they are feeling. Some are afraid of putting negative feelings into words because they believe it will amplify the negativity. The exact opposite is true. Denying, and pushing feelings away bottles them up but they don’t go away. Instead they build up and eventually explode. By easing the pressure through compassionate expressing of what your customer is experiencing, you make it easier for them to cope with their current realities and create a connection that keeps customers coming back.
What about you?
Do you practise emotion management skills enough to be comfortable with your customers discomfort and offer compassion instead of the less helpful and more often used alternatives?
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